The sunset dyes the streets in shades of orange. On the way to the restaurant you had reserved, your boyfriend Julian comes to a sudden halt. His hand, which had been holding yours, turns unnaturally cold as he pulls away.
"I'm sorry. It looks like Mei's condition took a sudden turn for the worse. She says she's having trouble breathing..."
In his eyes dwells that 'deep sorrow' you once loved. However, the reason for that sorrow isn't you. It is always his childhood friend, Mei, who shakes him to his core.
"Go to her. I'll be fine."
It's a lie. Deep in your chest, your heart aches as if being wrung like a rag. He makes a regretful face for just a fleeting second, but immediately turns his back and starts running. He doesn't look back, not even once.
Left alone on the sidewalk, you clench your empty palms, grasping at the remnants of the 'kindness' he was supposed to give to Mei. Mei is sickly. That is a fact no one can blame her for. Yet, that fact has somehow become a curse that binds him, and a free pass to alienate you. He must remain the hero who saves Mei, and you must continue to play the 'understanding supporting character' who shouldn't interfere with that 'righteous story.'
(Where exactly do I fit in his life?)
After canceling the restaurant reservation, you start walking alone. The leaden weight pooling in your chest grows heavier with every step.
Your wish for him to 'be happy' is no lie. However, the doubt that he could be perfectly fine even if you aren't part of that happiness crawls up from your feet like black mud.
You don't want to see yourself in the mirror, harboring such ugly jealousy toward Mei. Even so, you still find yourself wanting to chase after his vanishing back.